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Can it get any worse?

Not that any of you care but I still have bronchitis.

I also drank the worst flavor Gatorade ever today, here it is:


Its part of the Gatorade Tiger Series, its called True Force.  It took some serious force for me to get it down, it tasted like blueberry at first but then it finished with a horrific melon taste.  Which reminded me of the “Fierce Melon” flavor, which most of us remember tasted like absolute shit.  As a golfer and a fan of golf I strongly believe that Mr. Eldrick “Tiger” Woods is a perfectionist and a man that believes quality is imperative, with that said I don’t believe that he tasted this flavor.  It’s fucking awful.  All fans of the Gatorade  family please stay away from this flavor, your taste buds will thank me.

I also believe that this being sick is a good time to quit smoking, however I’ve said that I’d quit numerous times, but I am on a good streak.  It’s been 6 days and I’m free of Vinyl Chloride, Urethane, & Nickel (some of the toxins as explained in those heinous “Truth” commericials).  I feel better when I wake up in the morning but I still crave those disgusting sticks of tobacco, we’ll see what happens.

Speaking of disgusting the new Dancing With The Stars premiered tonight, what a piece of shit that is.  Just another thing that America ripped off from the UK, I am willing to bet it is done better over there.  The casting producers did a great job I might add, Denise Richards, Holly Madison, & Steve-O.  Those are some quality humans, don’t want to forget Jewel’s (please fix your teeth, you don’t live in your car anymore) Rodeo Champion husband, seriously who gives a flying fuck I hate all of these people.  However I would love to see Lawrence Taylor snap someones limb on live TV a la Joe Theismann (watch video here).

There are others like me that hate it but oh well, I’m sure it will get killer ratings and it will give all the dead behind the eyes housewives something to look forward to week after week while getting drunk of shitty $4 wine from Trader Joes.

Also if anyone out there has the power,  please cancel John & Kate Plus 8, freakish child birth disgusts me.  I hate that your family gets all this free shit and a TV show just because of your abnormal ability to produce children in mass quantity.  I hate you.

In positive news:

Family Guy was fucking amazing last night, if you didn’t see it I suggest watching it on  If you don’t like Family Guy, I hate you.

Role Models comes out on DVD tomorrow, I’ve heard its amazing, I can’t wait to see it.

I am performing at Comedy Upstairs @ Fizz!  this Wednesday at 9PM 3220 N Lincoln Chicago IL, the line up is really solid its being hosted by the very funny Jack Calhoun & features my favorite comic in Chicago Marty DeRosa.  Its only $5 and there’s lots of solid drink specials, The Office isn’t on Wednesdays so you can leave your house.

later alligators


its about time


After the enormous amounts of complaints I’ve gotten from people about how the blog link on my website doesn’t work I’ve decided to blog.  For your information that blog option in the header was just for decoration, I didn’t actually think that anyone would click on it, thanks for making me.


I can’t promise that I will talk about anything interesting or insightful, unless you count the reviews of new Taco Bell menu items which can be quite informative. (I am also sure that my grammar will be poor)  However I will give this blog thing a fair chance, I will not give up on it like I have Facebook and MySpace (I just couldn’t get into all the bells and whistles and I just didn’t have the time to keep it up with it all)  Maybe I’ll come back one day, but for now this blog and twitter are simple enough for me.

So here’s whats been going on with me in the past few days…

I’ve been sick with bronchits which has made me more miserable than usual, I am now confident I can drink Michael Jordan under the table (gatorade) that is.  I stayed in bed all of Thursday & Friday and watched a lot of Maury Povich, and found out like many others “I was not the father” it was quite entertaining.  I played a lot of NHL 09 on XBOX 360, which I am prolific at.  I have a dynasty with the Blackhawks and I am 35-9-1-1 (on the hardest difficulty setting so suck it).  Yesterday I opened for a good friend of mine Rick March at Cigars & Stripes, I expected to have a horrible set in part to my illness but to my suprise it was pretty solid.  I was also a bit nervous as it was the first time I played that room, having heard stories from comics that the crowd can be pretty rough but I took control of the crowd from the start, plowed through 20 minutes of solid material & guzzling gatorade (lime rain), afterwards I stopped at Mr. Submarine drove home ate my Pastrami sub and went to bed.

Today my fiancee and I went to the Blackhawks game, and that was a shit show.  They lost, because they played like garbage.  Enough said.

Tomorrow I have to go back to my day job, which I hate with an absolute passion.  I wish I had a day job that would allow me to focus on comedy a little bit more, however with the state of the economy thats not an option.  My fiancee still hasn’t found anything since her lay-off and with our wedding approaching fast and mountains of bills I am strapped as it is.  However I am still working on my act, writing throughout the week and going over bits in my car, my apartment, trying them out at work, everything little thing I can do helps.  I am looking forward to this weekend, as I’ll be featuring at The Funny Bone in Bloomington, IL its one of my favorite rooms and I always have a good time there.

I think thats it for me tonight, I  am going to drink some Arnold Palmer half & half and play nhl 09 til my eyes burn.

later alligators