riding a high, for now…

Over this last weekend I had the pleasure to open for Bobby Lee (MadTv, Pineapple Express) at The Improv in Schaumburg IL.  It was one of the most fun weekends I’ve ever had doing comedy, in addition to working with Bobby I also got to work a very talented comic named Sarah Tiana (E!, New Season of Reno 911).

The 3 of us after the last show on 3/22

improv7

The crowds were pretty large all weekend long, 3 shows around 300+ and 2 sellouts which is about 420+, being in an opener in that situation is a very tough task the larger they are the louder they are going to be.  I did 15 minute sets up front each night, and felt good about everyone of them except for Sunday.  I wasn’t horrible by any means but the laughs weren’t as strong as they were the first 4 shows.  However I recieved some very positive feedback from the other performers on the show, which means a lot to me seeing as they are both much further along than I am in comedy.  As the opening act you usually are left by the way side which is fine, its obvious that the crowds are not there to see me.  However I did get some really nice compliments from members of the audience in lobby during the meet and greets after the shows, I must say it was pretty cool. Bobby was so nice all weekend long, I was really impressed with the way he carried himself as a young comic coming up it was a really awesome experience for me and a big confidence booster.  I really hope I get the chance to work with him and Sarah in the future.

So last night I did a set at The Zoo in Chicago IL (located 1 block from Wrigley Field) the name of the show is Endangered Comics, it is hosted by my good friend Comedian Mike Von.  The show featured some really good comics a few of whom I consider close friends and I was really happy to be a part of it.  First of all Mike Von is one of the best emcees I’ve ever seen, this guy not only has endless supplies of material he is so good at keeping the crowd hot, which is why he has been tapped to host a special show with me & Ryan Budds (announcement of said show coming soon!)  The crowd was pretty solid last night for a Monday, about 30 people and since the room is so small and intimate it was perfect.  I had a lot of fun there, I was a bit apprehensive before I went up but next thing I knew I was in the zone had a pretty solid set!

I purchased  the rest of my hockey equipment today, so as soon as the stuff I ordered online gets here its time to hit the ice, I can’t wait for that shit its going to be hilarious!

So yea, I’ve had a pretty good past few days which in my life means something really fucking shitty is going happen. I hope not but that’s usually how it goes for me.

Tomorrow night I’ll be going to the blackhawks game, so I will most likely not blog.

Anything else before I go, oh yes… I ate Little Caesars pizza for lunch and it was delicious just how as I remember it when I was a young lad.

little_caesar-7893061

(did not proofread, don’t care either)

later alligators

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hockey time

Wow there is a lot of blogging to catch up on so I am doing 2 posts.

Hmm where do I begin…

Well for starters its 10:12AM CST, and I am doing this blog post from work.  However I don’t have access to wordpress at this hell hole, yet I have access to GMAIL so I am writing the post in the body of an email only to copy and paste it when I get home.  Yes I am a winner,  a true champion.  I’ve been up for about 5 hours so now I officially feel like shit.  Ok enough of that nonsense.

Last Thursday I went to look at hockey equipment with my best friend Joe (best man at wedding, I know you don’t care but I felt obliged).  It was such a pathetic experience I felt like a child shopping with their parents as he was helping me with sizes and determining whether each piece of equipment would fit my fat out of shape body.  It was pretty funny to see all these people at the store staring at us like a bunch of idiots.  Now I knew I was out of touch with the technology of the equipment now a days, however I could not believe how ridiculous it has gotten.  (See Below)

Bauer Kiosk

That is a custom stick kiosk from Bauer (now owned by NIKE)

Yes you select the shaft, blade, pattern, color, grip, and then you put your name on it.  These things go for around $300+, are you fucking serious.  Who the hell is buying this, I am sorry parents but your kid is not that good.  If your child is not going to at the very least be 6’2″ and 220lbs he will not play in the NHL.  Chances are your kid is fucking awful and you are simply buying the stick to make them feel better about themselves.  However buyer beware, your shot will still suck and no one will like you anymore, in fact they will probably like you less because you have better stuff than them in that case you are a cancer to the team and you should quit.

Now that wasn’t very nice, I want one of those sticks.  <sad face>

I did make a few purchases as of late though, nothing spectacular some shoulder pads, hockey bag, shin guards, helmet, and SKATES.  Although I am still missing gloves and pants, I managed to knock out the juggernaut, I got a used pair of Bauer Vapor VI’s at a Play It Again Sports,  I will be hitting the ice sometime this week and there will be footage I am sure it will be a treat.

Also earlier in the week I got an email from Comedian Nick Griffin asking if I would feature for him in Peoria at The Jukebox Comedy Club next month, of course I accepted and I was honored that he asked me.  Nick is one of the best comics around today, his writing is extremely smart and he translates it very well on stage.  He absolutely deserves a lot of more credit than he is given.  I am thrilled to be working with him once again!

I think thats all for this one, theres another one coming about the fun filled weekend at The Improv.

later alligators

nothing

I did absolutely nothing today.  Work was an absolute waste of my time, it’s become so mindless and irritating all I do is waste away there for 8 hours a day. I’d love to quit but I need to pay my bills and with the wedding approaching quiting isn’t a good idea.  However I know that I would be much happier trying to do comedy full time but with our lovely economy its just not feasible.  I did however update bits and pieces of my website www.anthonysarfino.com, caught up on emails, & returned some phone calls.  I felt like handling my personal business while at work was a better decision.   Another non work related activity I participated in today was finally reading my friend Comedian Ryan Budds’ (<–hilarious) spec script of The Office.  It was very well written and had me laughing out loud kudos to him for that fine piece of work.

I was supposed to go hang out at Fizz tonight and support a room I help run however I fell asleep when I got home and woke up about 20 minutes before the show started, so I laid the egg on that one.  Sorry guys.  I won 3 impressive games on NHL 09 for xbox 360, 2 of which were in overtime.  If any of you out there are on xbox live my gamertag is SSSUDIO, if you have NHL 09 I will gladly take the time out of my not so busy life to beat you senseless.

I had Taco Bell for lunch today it was great as per usual.  I run for the border a lot and I know the menu like the back of my hand, I understand its pathetic but its the best fast food on the planet.  That’s the end of that.

I also finally watched American Movie today, it was amazing.  If you haven’t seen it do you self a favor and watch it, its streaming on Netflix, if you don’t have Netflix get that too.  It’s great especially when paired with xbox live.  I still have not seen Role Models, I am going to make an attempt to watch it over the weekend, but I will most likely spend my free time trying to finish reading Watchmen, so I could go see it.

So yea, basically I didn’t leave my couch today and the highlight of the day was my delicious Taco Bell, pretty exciting eh?

Tomorrow I’ll be doing the bulk of the hockey equipment shopping so that will involve me leaving the couch.

Well its time to head off to slumberland.

later alligators

at least i was somewhat productive

I didn’t blog yesterday because I felt like sleeping was a better choice, and once again I am not sorry.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day and I don’t give a shit.  I am not irish or religious so I really don’t care, sorry.  I do like to drink, and watch people make a mess of themselves however I have to be up at 5am tomorrow to go to a job that makes me want to cut myself, that place made me want to get stinking drunk today but I had a change of heart when I left.

I went out to shop for some hockey equipment this evening, I haven’t played in 6 years so I am completely out of touch with the technology and have gained about 40lbs since I’ve last played (im 210 now) since I’m a fat ass now I have no clue what size I am in anything so this going to be interesting, however the point of this experience is to lose weight we’ll see what happens.  I ended up only buying a stick and elbow pads tonight, however I am shopping online as we speak, I buying strictly clearance and closeouts to spend as less as possible.  I am excited though, I don’t get joy out of much in life anymore so this is kind of making me feel better about myself.  However I am sure i’ll be miserable about it when I realize how out of shape I am.

I will keep my word by posting video and pictures from these shenanigans.

I probably mentioned this but I am at The Improv in Schaumburg all weekend, I am looking forward to it.  Its an awesome room, and I’m glad I get to perform there on a regular basis.  The staff is fucking amazing and they do it right, they know how to make the comics comfortable and thats not something that happens at all clubs.  Its always pleasure to work that room.

Oh yea and I hate American Idol again.  It’s absurd.  My fiancee loves it though, she does watch the worst fucking shows ever.  I scold her for it constantly.  John & Kate plus 8, DWTS, Bridezillas, & etc… I don’t know they all make me want to vomit.  She can’t help it though.  It’s ok she’s still awesome in my book.

ok thats enough of my uninteresting thoughts.

later alligators

Slacker!

Yes I know I was only 3 days in to the blog and I slacked off.
I’d like to say I have good reason to but I don’t.  I will do my best to not let it happen again, I apologize to all of the people who aren’t reading this.  Anywho I had a pretty good weekend so I’m in a fairly good mood right now.  I opened for Vic Dunlop at The Funny Bone in Bloomington, IL.  This is one of my favorite rooms, the staff is awesome (GM Luke Swanson is a true professional), the crowds are great, its just a good time and thats all that matters getting paid at the end of the weekend feels like an added bonus.  Vic is a super nice guy and a veteran of stand up comedy it was nice to get some insight from someone who has 33 years of experience, and he’s tenacious on stage.  I really enjoyed his sets all weekend, I also got to work with a friend of mine Cindy Cornelsen, she recently moved to LA it was nice to catch up and get a chance to see some of her new work which by the way is hilarious.   As usual I was super lazy while I was on the road, I didn’t bring my computer so I did not blog, watch anything on HuLu or play online poker.  I barely read any of the book I brought, however I did sleep a lot and that was totally awesome.  In addition to the copious amounts of slumber I managed to smoke a pack and a half of cigarettes, drink, eat hardees.  So yea it was a fun weekend even though my diet is absolute shit.  With that said I am going to start working out in maybe the most dangerous way possible.  I am going to start playing Hockey again.  Yes that’s right, I will be back on the ice.

I played hockey my entire life up until about 6 years ago and thats when my diet and physique started to go south.  So within the next couple weeks I will be purchasing the necessary equipment to make my triumphant return to the ice.  I will video tape the shenanigans and post it on the blog, it will be pathetic.  Speaking of hockey I went to the blackhawks game today with my brother, and they lost to New York Islanders (Currently worst record in the NHL) and they also faced a goalie who had his first NHL start, Fuck You guys you ruined my fun weekend.  I also ate shitty chinese food tonight, however I got over it really fast as I was consumed with the roast of larry the cable guy, Greg Giraldo is fucking genius.

So yea, it was a fun weekend I am not looking forward to the day job tomorrow but oh well I need to pay bills, I am getting married in little less than 3 months…  (Fuck that’s soon)

Anywho I’ll be at the Improv this weekend for 5 shows Mar 20-22nd heres the link (Come see me!)

I think that’s all I have to report at this moment.

PS- I did not proofread this at all.

later alligators

Danny Gokey does The Hokey Pokey.

So I think the bronchitis is on its way out, big deal I still hate myself and feel like shit as per usual.

I watched American Idol tonight, and I feel ok about it.  I usually just tune in to watch the audition process because we all know its hilarious, I know most of it is staged and the producers have a hand convincing the talentless trailer trash that they will be big stars on the TeeVee, regardless of that its hilarious.

I don’t care for many of the top 12, I mean 13 this year except for Mr. Danny Gokey.  I think he’s really talented, and very likeable,  especially considering the fact I like him and I hate just about everyone.  Not to mention he’s the best thing to come out of Milwaukee since Pabst Blue Ribbon. Like I said he really can sing, however dancing is not in his wheel house. I am really glad that my fiancee DVR’s this show for the simple fact that I can watch him dance around like a fool.  I think his poor dancing skills will in fact help the “Gokester” (I am claiming to coin that nickname) as it caused a pessimist like myself to take notice in a positive way.  However I did not vote.  So maybe it didn’t do anything at all…  Anyways, hopefully the AI voting public doesn’t fuck it up and they keep him around for a while.

Some other things I noticed while watching the show:

They have hispanic CostCo’s and there is karaoke in them Click Here

The blind guy still scares me, producers please make him wear sunglasses I know he can’t help it but its so off putting

Paula looked like she got shot with a tranquilizer gun or had a stroke right before the broadcast

Randy is just like Paula, he spews nothing but nonsense Dog

Anoop Desai is a weiner

Jorge Nunez’s head would be great for scrubbing my George Foreman grill

That’s how you keep it clean people.

later alligators

Can it get any worse?

Not that any of you care but I still have bronchitis.

I also drank the worst flavor Gatorade ever today, here it is:

32_tiger_tf_loose_tn2

Its part of the Gatorade Tiger Series, its called True Force.  It took some serious force for me to get it down, it tasted like blueberry at first but then it finished with a horrific melon taste.  Which reminded me of the “Fierce Melon” flavor, which most of us remember tasted like absolute shit.  As a golfer and a fan of golf I strongly believe that Mr. Eldrick “Tiger” Woods is a perfectionist and a man that believes quality is imperative, with that said I don’t believe that he tasted this flavor.  It’s fucking awful.  All fans of the Gatorade  family please stay away from this flavor, your taste buds will thank me.

I also believe that this being sick is a good time to quit smoking, however I’ve said that I’d quit numerous times, but I am on a good streak.  It’s been 6 days and I’m free of Vinyl Chloride, Urethane, & Nickel (some of the toxins as explained in those heinous “Truth” commericials).  I feel better when I wake up in the morning but I still crave those disgusting sticks of tobacco, we’ll see what happens.

Speaking of disgusting the new Dancing With The Stars premiered tonight, what a piece of shit that is.  Just another thing that America ripped off from the UK, I am willing to bet it is done better over there.  The casting producers did a great job I might add, Denise Richards, Holly Madison, & Steve-O.  Those are some quality humans, don’t want to forget Jewel’s (please fix your teeth, you don’t live in your car anymore) Rodeo Champion husband, seriously who gives a flying fuck I hate all of these people.  However I would love to see Lawrence Taylor snap someones limb on live TV a la Joe Theismann (watch video here).

There are others like me that hate it but oh well, I’m sure it will get killer ratings and it will give all the dead behind the eyes housewives something to look forward to week after week while getting drunk of shitty $4 wine from Trader Joes.

Also if anyone out there has the power,  please cancel John & Kate Plus 8, freakish child birth disgusts me.  I hate that your family gets all this free shit and a TV show just because of your abnormal ability to produce children in mass quantity.  I hate you.

In positive news:

Family Guy was fucking amazing last night, if you didn’t see it I suggest watching it on hulu.com.  If you don’t like Family Guy, I hate you.

Role Models comes out on DVD tomorrow, I’ve heard its amazing, I can’t wait to see it.

I am performing at Comedy Upstairs @ Fizz!  this Wednesday at 9PM 3220 N Lincoln Chicago IL, the line up is really solid its being hosted by the very funny Jack Calhoun & features my favorite comic in Chicago Marty DeRosa.  Its only $5 and there’s lots of solid drink specials, The Office isn’t on Wednesdays so you can leave your house.

later alligators